some1 once told me something that i thought was rediculous, but now i realize she knew more about me than i did. she told me "your joy is you sorrow unmasked" i didnt get it, until now, and then... at the time she told me, i had no idea wat she meant , now i do. i act happy in order 2 fool people in2 thinking that i'm ok, but i'm not!!! i'm NOT ok, but in a wierd way, it... ok. i no this post doesnt make that much sense, but it makes perfect sense 2 me and i needed 2 say it, tell it 2 somebody, anybody- Taylor Tot
Thursday, July 31, 2008
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25 comments:
Oh I totally understand you. I'm at that place sometimes. A lot of the time actually. I find myself putting on the fake smile to make sure I come off happy. It's inescapable. Inevitable if you will.
And yeah, it is a pretty cool pic. One of my parents best aha. Glad that you like it.
Are you serious? Are you "okay" okay?
Do you need to talk?
Haha, three comments at once wow.
1. Um, I'm not 100% sure where it was taken because I wasn't with my parents when they went on this trip. I'll be sure to ask though.
2. OF COURSE I LIKE THE POEM! I always do. haha.
And...3. well... Okay, since you told me it's only fair... Um, there are a couple post I did on my blog a while ago that kind of explain lemme go see what they're called... Be right back.
That happens often, unfortunately. I do it too, so that others won't be worried.
By the way, thanks for the comment. Even if you didn't make sense, you at least got out your name!
Okay! Back again! Haha.
Alright so if you want to understand the large part of my confusion then these are probably the posts you want to read. AND this saves me from having to re-live it all right now by thinking about it.
So if you really want to know then:
So first off just my first posts on the blog (like ever) are really good places to start (I have an archive to post on my side bar at the bottom) and those'll help explain a lot
and then these three other:
Tuesday March 4 2007 and then the one on March 11. Neither have titles but they explain a little more about how exactly the poem relates.
The other one (maybe the most helpful?) R.I.P V.I.P (and those are...were her initials VIP in case you were wondering...) posted on October 28 2007.
So yeah. There you are. That'll fill you in on -most- of it. The important stuff anyways...
Haha, don't worry about it. Read them if you like, whenever you have the time.
Wow, I'm very impressed that you commented on a lot of my posts! That makes me happy. Thanks so much!
haha ohh! yeah I thought of doing that once, I only made up like 4 words thouh lol.
Give me it anyway... and with the other bands - im workin on it
Can you tell me what you think it means? I've been thinking about it all night and I can't think of it!
Hola!
Again, thanks. And sorry about almost making you cry :/
Woah that is weird! But yeah I totally understand where you're coming from. My friends are always okay when I just need to take that break.
I think we all do that I did it for 12 years, smiling and pretending everything was all right. But it wasn't. Somehow things always seem to work out the they should. You gotta believe in yourself and have faith. You may not understand why things happen until years later. YOU ARE OKAY!! Better than okay, you're magnificent!!!
gigi... ur my mother, ur suppost 2 say that.
I have to say you are probably the most random girl I know. Kudos to that.
that makes sense...I might even use that.
"your joy is you sorrow unmasked"
I liked it.
Yeah, when you get the chance totally let me know what you think about him! (David Sides that is)
You should update :P
Haha, it's alright. Maybe you were busy that day.
I know right! He's amazing! It's insane! And he does it all by ear! How crazy is that!?!?
Haha, you're pretty funny. I did read the 2nd post, and I also understood that paragraph in which you told me you have brown hair, randomness, etc..
Your randomness is great.
i can relate...sometimes people who looks happy and always cheer people are the ones who are sad inside...
have a great weekend! :)
Jules
www.soloden.blogspot.com
www.healthlines.blogspot.com
adding u up in my blog list. :)
Jules
www.soloden.blogspot.com
www.healthlines.blogspot.com
Hi Taylor Tot, I found your blog via another's blog, sort of following along a vampire novel reader's path to the origin... You are young, and life is ahead, and by the posts I've read that you've shared, you seem to have a depth that intrigues me. Heck, your liking vampire novels attracks (ever read Anne Rice's slew of incredibly deep, well developed novels on vampires? http://www.annerice.com/Bookshelf-VampireChronicles.html , or her Mayfair Witches series? http://www.annerice.com/Bookshelf-MayfairWitches.html )
Very excellent reading material. These are not light and easy reading material, but have incredibly well developed characters with depth of soul. You might even relate to the emotional pain the main characters seem to have.
As for the comment from your friend that "your joy is you sorrow unmasked", that is part of what life is all about. That type of thought will never make sense to many, many people, but to some it will. I know this from my own experience. As for saying you are "fine" when you are in pain, that is okay too. All the people out there do not need to know how you truly feel or that you have ongoing mental anguish. The superficial "I'm fine" is okay. You can say that in truth if all that person really needs to know is you are ok enough for them to know about.
How can you even begin to describe the whys and reasons for your own mental anguish? How can anyone else understand except perhaps a similar, pain filled soul? Some of us are meant to have a mental state that is in a place very unlike that of those who surround us.
I'm much older than you, but I see in the little you've posted some similarities. My "outlet" to help me stay in a good and positive mental state is to go out into nature, take lots of photos, and inundate myself with the natural beauty of the natural world. The things humans do depresses me to amazing depths, so I lift myself up and into a better mental state through nature. And my nature blog lets me write and express myself without getting too personal.
But the darkness happens, it cycles, it comes and goes with greater or lesser intensity, but it's been there since my teen years, and it never disappears. Learning to live with it is important, embrace it. It will make you into a stronger person and it is perfectly okay to tell the world "I am okay". You are in the long run. Find fun things that you love (like your horses) to keep you having happy moments amidst the dark.
If you want to pursue these thoughts, post a comment at my blog with an email.(I won't post such a message, but will reply, personally). If not, that's fine, too. You don't even need to post this comment, I just wanted to share and let you know you aren't alone.
I really don't get it,but i guess in due time i will"
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