Thursday, February 26, 2009


my dog, my baby, parker, was sick all day, and we took him to the vet, his heart had detached from some other thing, and was floating in his stomach, he had a block in his small intestant, causing him to have trouble breathing and abnormal lung vibrations, he has air in his stomach, lots of it, and his guts had ruptured, we put him down 12:06AM this morning. i've never cried that much... ever, when i went to say goodbye, he was in an oxygen mask, his eyes were rolled back into his head, i leaned down and whispered in his ear, petting his face, and his eyes focused, and even though he was in tremendous pain, he lifted his paw out from under the sheets, and put it on my hand, like he knew, he knew what was happening, and he said goodbye to me, my baby boy knew, and now hes gone, but he was the best friend you could ever ask for, he used to lay down with me in the laundry room, he was my big pillow, i fell asleep on him and he wouldnt move, not for anything, and once i woke, i would sit up, and he would lay across my lap and stare up at me, ever since he was a puppy, like our first night, bringing him home, it was january 2006, he was 4 months old, when i saw him, it was freezing, he was the only brown doberman left, i had been on crutches, he had been the only one who didnt jump on me, instead, watching till i noticed him, and he slept on my lap, for the hour drive home, then he slept in my bed, for one night, that little puppy stayed with me. and so fast, that little boy, so small and scared of water, grew to be the most ADD huge, most athletic loving dog you could ever ask for. once he got into the pool, he loved it, i taught him how to carry people across the deep end and the shallow end. i would let him take me all around the pool, he was the only reason i ever got in, i hate swimming. parker changed my life, he died at 3 years old, and there will never be another dog like parker, not for me, i've never loved an animal as much as i love him, never, something about him made me realize how good things can be, no matter how sad i was, as soon as i saw him, i could break down in tears, or i could scream, or just collapse, that dog wouldnt have left me. but let me tell you, he could really piss you off, the loudest bark you ever hear. but now, i miss it, i miss how he would hit you with his nose when you saw him, i miss his big hazel eyes staring at me, i miss watching him sprint across the yard, i miss him, like i've never missed anything else. i know there has to be something more for him, he has to be alive, somewhere, in a good place, he has to be.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

dlrow elttil ym

anybody who figures out the title gets... some sort of award
attempt to read this, you figure out the title, then you will understand.

eveal ot tuoba ,oedor rof ydaer gnitteg dna ,won thgir yrgna m'i ,artsehcro ni dekcus i .suyg rof seloh ssa dna ,slrig yhctib era elpoep fo ytirojam eht ,it etah i ,diputs si loohcs

bravo, if you solved that puzzle.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

love these quotes

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
Oscar Wilde

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
Oscar Wilde

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Oscar Wilde

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
Oscar Wilde

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde


Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Mark Twain

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."
- Mark Twain

i love this quote, i spent two hours trying to find it, only for vikki to get it for me, and saying i had been searching the wrong persons quotes, ugh, i was very angry :(

Viola is going good, i rarely talk about it here, but i practiced about 3 hours today, on a song called m to the 3rd power, then air, and modus a' 4
good songs. i also listened to radiohead and muse for a few hours, i hadnt hear muse for a while, new found respect, i love them more than i remember. radiohead is just the best... no questions asked. i like orange juice, just to tell you, i'm done. not much else to say.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

our future

In the years to come, i grant enough wisdom to the human race, kill off our future children, tortured by the past, hurting in the present, and killing in the future. As i grow older, i come to find all the details of the human race more and more significant. how one single gum wrapper on the wilting grass hurts our home, our earth. one thing about us, as i say, our home, our earth, i realize, it is not ours, it is not property, it owns us. WE are the ones who learn from the earth, the arrogance we have to say, 'our earth' 'our planet' when in reality, we, the human race, is but a small, nearly invisible speck in our galaxy. but if this is true, then how are we causing earth so much harm? because all humans, everyday, no matter how enviromnent friendly you are, hurt the environment. think of that one, small, seemingly insignificant gum wrapper on the wilting grass. well, if every person on this planet threw just one gum wrapper on the ground a day, what do you think would come of it? not good. imagine if there were no environment friendly people living. think of the image, picture it. i see death everywhere, i see no future, and i see no earth. every person makes a difference, this seems to be where people miss the point, we say 'its just one gum wrapper, who cares?' when waht we should see is 'this is one gum wrapper on the ground everyday, if i live to be 90, thats 90 gum wrappers, if every one was like me, how many gum wrappers is that? how many trees did we kill for no reason?'
lets be real though, we all know that not every single person will care about the earth. so, if you care, help, maybe you can restore what that persons 90 gum wrappers, if you see trash on the ground, PICK IT UP! if you can carpool DO IT, if where you are going is in walking distance, WALK. its not just that one time, its that one time a day, for the rest of your life, form good habits. don't be the killer of our children, our future.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

theory here

I'm hoping she eats by tomorrow, i'll post any news on that matter on my other, new blog. but right now, i'm contemplating something. listen. i've heard some people live in the past, am i correct? yes, i am btw. but then, isn't that just another way of saying that some people live in the future? i do believe it is. now, contemplate.

minute 1 of contemplating

minute 2 of contemplating

minutes 3 of contemplating

3 is lucky, times up.
here are my thoughts.
no, i did not just spend 3 minutes contemplating, and if you did, your mind needs to think a bit quicker. if somebody lives in the past, then from that persons perspective, lots of people live in the future. so there is time travel. there is life in outer space, pluto is a freaking planet dumbass scientists, and humans in 900 years will be extinct, and dinosours will roam once again, the earths plates will create pangea once again on the opposite side of the earth than last time, and repeat the process, we are not the first, we are not the last, and we are not the middle. we are the past, the present, and the future, we... are not real.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

death comes naturally

you cant stop it, you can prevent it, i always knew this. i've seen many deaths, been close to the people when they die, and remember them, but rarely did cry. somehow i never thought Dolly would move on, i've known that horse for 9 years, and if she isnt my baby girl, then i don't know who is. shes my life. i knew i might have to put her down at some point, but not really. Dolly was invincible, but now i see, it wasn't up to me, but it may be her time, she wont eat, the vet says she has till monday, and if theres no improvement, then theres nothing else we can do. what happened to being invincible? i don't know, but i dont even want to be writing this, i want to be at the barn, i want to be with my horse, i want to die the moment she does, and stay with her always, our ashes combined in one ern, that way, we will never part.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i'm here

hello to you. hello to me. hello to the world. hello to life. hello to death.

rodeo practice was fun... scooby is great... school is better... yet i'm not happy. it seems... very feebleminded and somewhat thickheaded of me not to just appriciate what i have. i mean, i do APPRICIATE it, but i could be more greatful. i SHOULD be more greatful. because really, for the first time in a long time, i feel almost at ease, almost fine. the problem is the almosts. its ALMOST happy, ALMOST perfect pattern, ALMOST old enough to volenteer, ALMOST good at school. never i AM happy, never perfect pattern, not old enough, not good at school. but thats so pessimistic. i catch myself doing it to, looking at the worst side possible, and i try to correct it. but no matter how many times i say the positive side, i never believe it, or almost never. i see that point of view, UNDERSTAND that point of veiw, WANT that point of view, but... i dont believe it.
and it makes me sad, because there, and i know there is, a much better side of life than what i'm living. yes, i have gone through difficult times, but heres the thing, SO HAS EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!! and soooooo many people would love to be in my shoes, to have what i have, and be filled with joy at just the thought of having half of what i have, so why am i not happy? this, i dont understand, though i anylize it every day, more than once usually, but i have yet to get anything more than the wanting to have more, the greed that all people have developed. anybody care to explain?

Sunday, February 1, 2009


I almost fell out of my chair, this is the hottest guy, ever to walk the face of this earth, in my opinion, and somehow, MR. VICKY9oh yeah, i went there0 thinks hes girlie looking!!!!!!!!!! wth!!!! i thought i was going to have to go to the emergency room!!!! look at him!!!!!!!!!!!! its funny, most people who read this blog are guys, so, ur not going to get very much out of this, but oh well. i was overwhelmed by his hottness. and karl. i saw a picture of tyler, and then saw this one. i would no doubt, even though i think that tyler is just splended, i would pic this guy. because hes hotter than edward cullen. and thats saying something. my seth- right there, RIGHT THERE!!!!