Sunday, March 1, 2009

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quiting this for a while...

Thursday, February 26, 2009


my dog, my baby, parker, was sick all day, and we took him to the vet, his heart had detached from some other thing, and was floating in his stomach, he had a block in his small intestant, causing him to have trouble breathing and abnormal lung vibrations, he has air in his stomach, lots of it, and his guts had ruptured, we put him down 12:06AM this morning. i've never cried that much... ever, when i went to say goodbye, he was in an oxygen mask, his eyes were rolled back into his head, i leaned down and whispered in his ear, petting his face, and his eyes focused, and even though he was in tremendous pain, he lifted his paw out from under the sheets, and put it on my hand, like he knew, he knew what was happening, and he said goodbye to me, my baby boy knew, and now hes gone, but he was the best friend you could ever ask for, he used to lay down with me in the laundry room, he was my big pillow, i fell asleep on him and he wouldnt move, not for anything, and once i woke, i would sit up, and he would lay across my lap and stare up at me, ever since he was a puppy, like our first night, bringing him home, it was january 2006, he was 4 months old, when i saw him, it was freezing, he was the only brown doberman left, i had been on crutches, he had been the only one who didnt jump on me, instead, watching till i noticed him, and he slept on my lap, for the hour drive home, then he slept in my bed, for one night, that little puppy stayed with me. and so fast, that little boy, so small and scared of water, grew to be the most ADD huge, most athletic loving dog you could ever ask for. once he got into the pool, he loved it, i taught him how to carry people across the deep end and the shallow end. i would let him take me all around the pool, he was the only reason i ever got in, i hate swimming. parker changed my life, he died at 3 years old, and there will never be another dog like parker, not for me, i've never loved an animal as much as i love him, never, something about him made me realize how good things can be, no matter how sad i was, as soon as i saw him, i could break down in tears, or i could scream, or just collapse, that dog wouldnt have left me. but let me tell you, he could really piss you off, the loudest bark you ever hear. but now, i miss it, i miss how he would hit you with his nose when you saw him, i miss his big hazel eyes staring at me, i miss watching him sprint across the yard, i miss him, like i've never missed anything else. i know there has to be something more for him, he has to be alive, somewhere, in a good place, he has to be.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

dlrow elttil ym

anybody who figures out the title gets... some sort of award
attempt to read this, you figure out the title, then you will understand.

eveal ot tuoba ,oedor rof ydaer gnitteg dna ,won thgir yrgna m'i ,artsehcro ni dekcus i .suyg rof seloh ssa dna ,slrig yhctib era elpoep fo ytirojam eht ,it etah i ,diputs si loohcs

bravo, if you solved that puzzle.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

love these quotes

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
Oscar Wilde

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
Oscar Wilde

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Oscar Wilde

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
Oscar Wilde

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde


Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Mark Twain

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."
- Mark Twain

i love this quote, i spent two hours trying to find it, only for vikki to get it for me, and saying i had been searching the wrong persons quotes, ugh, i was very angry :(

Viola is going good, i rarely talk about it here, but i practiced about 3 hours today, on a song called m to the 3rd power, then air, and modus a' 4
good songs. i also listened to radiohead and muse for a few hours, i hadnt hear muse for a while, new found respect, i love them more than i remember. radiohead is just the best... no questions asked. i like orange juice, just to tell you, i'm done. not much else to say.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

our future

In the years to come, i grant enough wisdom to the human race, kill off our future children, tortured by the past, hurting in the present, and killing in the future. As i grow older, i come to find all the details of the human race more and more significant. how one single gum wrapper on the wilting grass hurts our home, our earth. one thing about us, as i say, our home, our earth, i realize, it is not ours, it is not property, it owns us. WE are the ones who learn from the earth, the arrogance we have to say, 'our earth' 'our planet' when in reality, we, the human race, is but a small, nearly invisible speck in our galaxy. but if this is true, then how are we causing earth so much harm? because all humans, everyday, no matter how enviromnent friendly you are, hurt the environment. think of that one, small, seemingly insignificant gum wrapper on the wilting grass. well, if every person on this planet threw just one gum wrapper on the ground a day, what do you think would come of it? not good. imagine if there were no environment friendly people living. think of the image, picture it. i see death everywhere, i see no future, and i see no earth. every person makes a difference, this seems to be where people miss the point, we say 'its just one gum wrapper, who cares?' when waht we should see is 'this is one gum wrapper on the ground everyday, if i live to be 90, thats 90 gum wrappers, if every one was like me, how many gum wrappers is that? how many trees did we kill for no reason?'
lets be real though, we all know that not every single person will care about the earth. so, if you care, help, maybe you can restore what that persons 90 gum wrappers, if you see trash on the ground, PICK IT UP! if you can carpool DO IT, if where you are going is in walking distance, WALK. its not just that one time, its that one time a day, for the rest of your life, form good habits. don't be the killer of our children, our future.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

theory here

I'm hoping she eats by tomorrow, i'll post any news on that matter on my other, new blog. but right now, i'm contemplating something. listen. i've heard some people live in the past, am i correct? yes, i am btw. but then, isn't that just another way of saying that some people live in the future? i do believe it is. now, contemplate.

minute 1 of contemplating

minute 2 of contemplating

minutes 3 of contemplating

3 is lucky, times up.
here are my thoughts.
no, i did not just spend 3 minutes contemplating, and if you did, your mind needs to think a bit quicker. if somebody lives in the past, then from that persons perspective, lots of people live in the future. so there is time travel. there is life in outer space, pluto is a freaking planet dumbass scientists, and humans in 900 years will be extinct, and dinosours will roam once again, the earths plates will create pangea once again on the opposite side of the earth than last time, and repeat the process, we are not the first, we are not the last, and we are not the middle. we are the past, the present, and the future, we... are not real.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

death comes naturally

you cant stop it, you can prevent it, i always knew this. i've seen many deaths, been close to the people when they die, and remember them, but rarely did cry. somehow i never thought Dolly would move on, i've known that horse for 9 years, and if she isnt my baby girl, then i don't know who is. shes my life. i knew i might have to put her down at some point, but not really. Dolly was invincible, but now i see, it wasn't up to me, but it may be her time, she wont eat, the vet says she has till monday, and if theres no improvement, then theres nothing else we can do. what happened to being invincible? i don't know, but i dont even want to be writing this, i want to be at the barn, i want to be with my horse, i want to die the moment she does, and stay with her always, our ashes combined in one ern, that way, we will never part.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i'm here

hello to you. hello to me. hello to the world. hello to life. hello to death.

rodeo practice was fun... scooby is great... school is better... yet i'm not happy. it seems... very feebleminded and somewhat thickheaded of me not to just appriciate what i have. i mean, i do APPRICIATE it, but i could be more greatful. i SHOULD be more greatful. because really, for the first time in a long time, i feel almost at ease, almost fine. the problem is the almosts. its ALMOST happy, ALMOST perfect pattern, ALMOST old enough to volenteer, ALMOST good at school. never i AM happy, never perfect pattern, not old enough, not good at school. but thats so pessimistic. i catch myself doing it to, looking at the worst side possible, and i try to correct it. but no matter how many times i say the positive side, i never believe it, or almost never. i see that point of view, UNDERSTAND that point of veiw, WANT that point of view, but... i dont believe it.
and it makes me sad, because there, and i know there is, a much better side of life than what i'm living. yes, i have gone through difficult times, but heres the thing, SO HAS EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!! and soooooo many people would love to be in my shoes, to have what i have, and be filled with joy at just the thought of having half of what i have, so why am i not happy? this, i dont understand, though i anylize it every day, more than once usually, but i have yet to get anything more than the wanting to have more, the greed that all people have developed. anybody care to explain?

Sunday, February 1, 2009


I almost fell out of my chair, this is the hottest guy, ever to walk the face of this earth, in my opinion, and somehow, MR. VICKY9oh yeah, i went there0 thinks hes girlie looking!!!!!!!!!! wth!!!! i thought i was going to have to go to the emergency room!!!! look at him!!!!!!!!!!!! its funny, most people who read this blog are guys, so, ur not going to get very much out of this, but oh well. i was overwhelmed by his hottness. and karl. i saw a picture of tyler, and then saw this one. i would no doubt, even though i think that tyler is just splended, i would pic this guy. because hes hotter than edward cullen. and thats saying something. my seth- right there, RIGHT THERE!!!!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

another room re-done/re-doing

so, some of yall read my post a long long time'a go about me re-doing my room at my dads. still not done btw :P lol. but now i'm re-doing the one at my moms house, which is cool. i got this suede couchy bed thingy, which is cool. thats a bad explanation isnt it. ummmmmmm... okay, basically, it folds up into a couch, then, i can lay the back down, and when its laid down, i can prop one side up on the short side so i can sit up sorta. okay, i hope that makes sense :P i doubt it though :P
so today, i went to pick up a volenteer application at the humane society, i've been waiting 3 years to help out there. we talked about it today, and its exactly what i had been hoping for. but i have to wait till april 22!!!!! :( ugh, that way i'm old enough. grrrr hate that.

i'm layong on the couch thingy labober, and my cat is laying on my back :P shes very odd lol. i'm listening to a very irritating song 'sexy back' and its pissing me off, but i can't get up, because sienna is asleep!!!!! ugh. oh well, this is unnessicary information, i just realized idk how to spell unnessicary or volenteer :P how very sad lol

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


So here are my instructions, and your instructions if you are on my list of fabulous blogs:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate blogs which you think are fabulous.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award. :P
So here are my fabulous blogs:

compliments of vikki!!! you rock!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

a terrible things( yes, with an s)

Friday night- I went to the greatest concert, Forever the sickest kids, and then met the band, it was great, love them.
Saturday night- My dad wanted me to see this cover band, so me macy, kenna, aimee, my aunt jenny and her bf tony came. well, there she goes, jenny gets kicked out, and they call the cops on her, though she did nothing wrong, she just asked about the bill, and the manager went all crazy, he like, was ready to fight. but then we all left, and my dad gets this call from colten on our way home. he was in a car accident. MY BROTHER GOT HIT!!!!!!!! hes like the safest driver i know!!!!! these two chickas pulled out and smashed his truck. nobody was hurt, the two girls were totally fine, colten was.... a bit shaky, but no physical damage.
Sunday morning- well, we all decided to go to the gym. it had been about two hours, and i nearly faint, becuz of the lack of protein, so, they had me eat chicken :( and since i havent had meat since october, this is totally nasty, but i thew up, yup, gross. and to add to the bad day, i get a call from my dad when i was getting a haircut that night. one of my dogs spot was attacked by something, and hes in this emergency vet clinic.
Monday- spot died late sunday evening. time to tell the girls. everybody cried, even my dad. but, for some odd reason, i didnt. but i heard my other dog parker whining, so i went to check on him, he was fine, but i just broke down in tears, completely sobing, i sat down on the floor, and my sweet baby parker that is way to huge to lay on people, comes and stretches out acroos my lap and stares up at me. just like when he WAS little enough. oh wow, and i forgot, i rode knotch in the freezing rain for about 3 hours then told the girls.
Today- schools are closed, so i'm going to sit and watch the frozen roads, icy wind, a few movies and a computer screen, and sit with my big doberman who is to sweet to be real.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It wasn't a dream, it was a memory

i couldn't think of a title, and right now, i'm watching tv, which rarely happens btw. with the exception of the past two days, because i have been sick, and home from school. so, i haven't met my new teachers, nor explained what i really need to explain to them, so i hope there aren't assigned seats... that doesn't make any sense to you does it? i have this thing... hate being in the center, surrounded by people or objects, freaks me out.... in other news, i was feeling a tiny bit better, so i decided i needed to work the horses, so i went and saddled scooby, and bridled him as well, first time in over a year. scooby had 30 days under saddle when he was two, over a year ago. and today, was his first day with a saddle and bridle since then. and he did good, so i got on, and flexed him, and walked around, just to give him a feel for things. he did great on his stops and turns, so we did a little trotting. this might not sound like much, but it is, it really really is. scooby a month ago, was a pushy, lazy, 'completely ignore you' horse, and no, hes responsive, and doesn't push you around. i'm very proud of him. now on the other end, it get worse. knotch is an ass. i spent an hour trying to catch him, and gave up because i felt sick and was cold, so i walked home all annoyed. and worst of all. Dolly, i'e known her for 9 years, ridden her for 8 and owned her for several years. her arthritis is getting worse, she can barely walk, and though we're doing everything we can to help her, shes only getting worse. i hate to think about it, but an option we hae to consider is putting her down, shes in alot of pain....

sry this post is longer than i had planned... good night everybody

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

in this day i have found

Today is angies birthday, she would have turned forty. But instead of thinking and missing her, today, for the fisrt day in my life i have prayed, I have never found the faith in me to believe in a God. But i did find it necessary when i read the post. please read it and comment, and please pray for him.

Friday, January 16, 2009

some bright light- look past this post to comment, where the pics are please

Words of wisdom from me...

Happiness is something that we all seek, all yearn to house. Many think the destination brings happiness, where ever we are going, getting there will bring joy. So they strive for it, with all their heart. But many question why once they get there. Why something once so important and desirable, fails to warm their heart. Not only that, but once you reach the destination, it only brings more need. The explanation is simple, so listen close. The destination is not where happiness flows, but the journey to get to the river.

i was sitting in the car, just thinking, and it came to me, i typed it out in my phone, not sure what to do with it, but also not wanting to leave it be. so i just decided i should post it on here, just for kicks. and now, a poem :P

I contain no special blood,
I wear no jeweled crown,
I have no magnificent castle,
Nor any sacred grounds,

Go take her,
Claim her as your own,
Leave me here,
All alone,

Let me freeze,
Let me shake,
Have her show you,
The love you'll make,

Make you happy,
Make you druel,
An oblivous man,
A sad fool,

For you do not know,
The path that you chose,
Brings not happiness,
But where sadness flows.

I guess it goes with happiness thing...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

pictures for the kind sir

my very large family

my beautiful sister macy with the sunglasses :P

Gryffin, my second youngest sister

My lovely aunt Julie

The adorable little Harper, the youngest in my family

my awesome brother colten, the oldest of the siblings, and my only blood sibling, rocks his curly red hair :P lol.

julie and a hell of a lot of stairs, you can't see them all, but omg, there were alot

3rd youngest, miss mckenna, love her, even with her weird poses for pictures

Macy and my father, mike

haha, my brother in his russian hat :P he got it for christmas and used it on the slopes

Scooby, the three year old wonderful gelding i'm training

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Frozen jeans are sexy, and i see a little man

hahaha, love you macy, inside joke, betcha wouldnt think the joke itself was funny even in the least, but the fact that its so stupid makes it funny, so yesh, i took a trip to colorado, yesh, it was in an rv, yesh, it was with 7 other people, yesh, it was with my dads side of the family, yesh, i wanted to strangle somebody every so often, yesh, it got very cramped, yesh, i wrote alot, yesh, i met cool people, yesh, i cried on that trip than in my entire lifes crying combined, yesh, i like iced tea, yesh i like skiing, yesh, i took pictures, yesh i talked to tyler, yesh, i got in trouble, yesh, i'm saying yesh, and yesh, i'm drinking iced tea wondering why i'm being more weird than usual. i'm gonna tell you'z bout my weird encounters with 3 guys on this trip

so first one, i got out of my earth hating machine thingy and went into the rec. center, i was sitting on the ground, just thinking, by myself, and this guy was in the other room right, playing guitar with some of his friends, and i'ma tell ya, he was freaking hot, i mean, yeah. but anyway, so he looks at me sitting there, says something to his friends they look at me, he gets up, and disappears into another room, bout 2 seconds later hes coming towards me playing the guitar, sits down next to me and just plays, eventually i had to go, i dont even know his name, but he was reallt freakin cool, totally random, but it was cool still.

next 2, so i was sitting with my sister macy, 12, and my other sister gryfin, 7, and gryfin is totally crushing on this really adorble little kid, so i'm like, just go talk to him, she wont, and we tried to get her to just go say hi for like, 30 minutes, no use, so these two guys were playing ping pong in front of us, it was hilarious, i kept getting hit with the ball, lol, so we already had a bit of a conversation going, not really though, small one, but so i was like, 'hey, what ur name?' and the one right in front of me, the cute one, was like, 'adam' and the one farthest away, 'jeremy' so i asked them if they thought gryfin should go talk to him, they said yes, so anyway, she wouldnt but we talked that night, and the day after, and now we've been txting, crazy part is, they live here, in dallas, yeah, sry this was so long, i'll explain the title with pictures on another post, sry it was so long