i believe her now

some1 once told me something that i thought was rediculous, but now i realize she knew more about me than i did. she told me "your joy is you sorrow unmasked" i didnt get it, until now, and then... at the time she told me, i had no idea wat she meant , now i do. i act happy in order 2 fool people in2 thinking that i'm ok, but i'm not!!! i'm NOT ok, but in a wierd way, it... ok. i no this post doesnt make that much sense, but it makes perfect sense 2 me and i needed 2 say it, tell it 2 somebody, anybody- Taylor Tot

white yet dark

don't really like this poem much, but i wrote it, so i decided 2 put it up anyway.

It came in a letter,
White yet dark,
This won’t ever get better,
Its left a permanent mark,

Stabbing your heart,
Again and again,
It rips you apart,
It always wins in the end,

A heartless fiend,
Killing at all costs,
Nobody intervened,
Now all is lost,

My death is now,
I don’t really mind,
Its something I can allow,
Now I wont be confined.


ok so i like this 1, its happy my first happy poem!!!! inspired by the song Your guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus


I will be there for you,
I’ll always care for you,
I’ll never let you fall,
My little baby doll,

I’ll love you forever,
You make me better,

Be there for me,
And I’ll be there for you,
Come and see,
If only you knew,

My love for you is strong,
It’ll never go wrong,
I’ll get you through the hardest parts,
Before the pain ever starts,

Follow me,
I know the way,
Come and see,
It’ll be okay.

Never The Same

I don’t understand,
I don’t know why,
This wasn’t planned,
Please just don’t die,

Stop and think,
Is this what you want?
It’s like permanent ink,
This isn’t nonchalant,

It could be over soon,
Its not a game,
No silly cartoon,
You’ll never be the same.

I hope u enjoyed this poem, i no most of mine are kinda depressing, but thanx 4 all u guys who comment and read them, it means alot.

www.thunderhawk.org

for those of you like me. ur fascinated by animals, i love horses, but i can't help but want 2 do more, so many people work with horses, and i hope 2 always be 1 of those people. but i feel like i should do more, if you havent been 2 this website u need 2 go, tigers, 2 me are the most amazing creatures, i like white bangal tigers, but the one spesifically on this site that i think is just the most beautiful animal i have ever seen is named Iyotaka Tatanka, u cant describe him in words, but you really need 2 look at all of the cats, i look on google and search all the sites but this one in particular captured my attention, the website is the title 4 this entry but i'll type it again... www.thunderhawk.org

ITS REALLY 2 JL(JOEL)

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ok so i got up at 5 15 AM, which wasnt 2 bad, i only got about 5 hours sleep, but thats ok cuz i got up 2 ride. well i just got done riding!!! and its alomost THREE!!!!! i'm gonna be sososososo sore 2morrow!!! AND OMG Knotch ROCKS @ flyin' W, he was awesome, and he isnt even pattered yet, wish that it was a rodeo event! but they do have it at the Saddle Clubs Playdays so thats good!!! but anyway i have 2 go 2 my dads soon so i gotta get ready, ttyl

I've been tagged...

what ya do is list five (mildly interesting) things bout yourself and then tag 5 more people. i have no idea who i'm gonna tag, so i'm gonna go through my comments...

1. inside jokes 4 JL (pronounced JOEL), my bff JL kalls me Talylor (pronounced Tally lore).
2. dot dot dot is 1 of my new fav. sayings
3. i dont remember anything about 2 whole years of my life
4. i stare in2 space alot and just, well... space out all the time
5. i laugh 4 absolutely no reason.

random poems that r really just thots

I just don't remember,
I don't want to remember,
its just to hard,
its why i fell apart,
it shredded my heart.



my heart is not whole,
it contains giant gaps,
i have no more soul,
i am empty.



my only complete poem from last night.

One dark sleepless night,
I lay awake with fear,
My brain set replaying that terrinble sight,
As my eyes overflow with tears,

I always thought I had to be strong,
And I succeded until now,
But I held everything in to long,
So I lay crying now,

My memory was erased,
Nothing from two whole years,
My memories locked away and safely cased,
So now I lay, overflowing with these tears,

its an unusual feeling,
I didn't understand it at first,
But now I realize i'm finally healing,
And I really never was cursed.

weird thots by me

U no wat I think is funny, in a way that isn’t really funny enuf 2 laugh at, people like me who say stuff that just doesn’t make much sense, I say that’s pretty ugly all the time. U no, that shirt is pretty ugly… wats that suppost 2 mean, pretty ugly, maybe its pretty in an ugly way, I don’t know, wat I mean is that its ugly but I always add pretty right b4, just outa habit. Or stupid smart, its suppost 2 mean really smart, but I have 2 say stupid smart instead.
I also understand y people get confused while learning English!!! I doesn’t make sense!!! Y do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? That is stupid; shouldn’t it be the other way around??? I think so.

I was reading another guys blog earlier, he made a good point, why is there only one word 4 love wen there r so many types of love? I decided after reading it 2 make my own words up, but I’m going 2 document them so I don’t forget them. Some of u might have noticed wen I comment u I forget wat I was saying, and then I say that and have 2 come back l8ter 2 finnish it, well then I REALLY don’t know wat I was sayin!!! Then I realize I coulda just read wat I had typed and then I woulda remembered. I do that a lot.

I also think that English is 2 confusing, maybe I wouldn’t always b confused if thought was spelled more like it sounds… thot, instead they added a silent u, g, and an h, just 4 the fun of it. It’s the same way with laugh, and science.

2nite I was watching this stand up comedian, he had some pretty funny jokes. He said something like this- “ I went 2 a donut shop, u no 2 buy a donut. I gave the lady my money and she handed me a piece of paper. Now y would I need that I bought a donut on record, cant u just give me the donut, I do not need proof that I bought it, because after about 30 seconds of gettin’ it it will have disappeared.” Now its a lot funnier wen he says it, but I was laughing so hard.

I also think its funny 2 watch my mom, she cries so easily. It doesn’t matter if shes happy or sad, either way she cries, sometimes I don’t know which it is. I cry wen I laugh 2 hard. Every1 thinks its funny 2 watch me laugh because it keeps getting higher and higher the harder I’m laughing, then I’m laughing so hard that no sound comes out. I have my moms laugh. I laugh wen I’m tired, really hard, there’s never anything 2 laugh at either, I just laugh, and u don’t want 2 c me on Benidril, I don’t know how 2 spell it sry, but I get really really hyper. And that makes me laugh, which makes me laugh harder.

By the way I will try 2 keep posting and reading ya’lls blogs but my laptop is being shipped away 2 be fixed so sry it might be a while. But I swear I will get on wen I can- Taylor Tot

Meet the cast!!!

Well, didnt get 2 meet them, there were over 10,000 people there JUST 4 Twilight!!! i was in that lucky 7000 who got in 2 the room with the cast, they got interviewed and i got 2 see an unavailable clip of the movie anywhere else which was cool!!! they all looked so nervous hear are some of the ?s asked:

to Taylor(Jacob) and Rob(Edward), asked by 1 of the members of a group called The Twilight Moms- " Boxers or Briefs?" she asked. i was thinking: ' wat type of ? is that? u can't hit on them!!! ur a mom!!!, there was no answer.

4 all the cast, asked by some girl who looked about 18: "wat was one of the funniest or unexpected things that happened while filming" my thought- 'Good ?!!! ur not as stupid as that dumb mom', answer- " Rob(Edward) and Kristin(Bella) were acting out a kissing seen and they were on the bed. well Rob got carried away, so much in fact that he fell off the bed." everyone laughed, it was funny 2 c the look on his face when they said that 2 every1.

i'll post more wen i remember them!!! they're was a few more funny ones.

New Insperation

So thats me and Mark, our waiter at some awesome restraunt, that i had the best Pizza in my life at about 30 minutes ago, he was awesome!!! really nice, 4 some reason he reminded me of a cool charactor 4 a book, so thats him.

some other random pics some from 2day like the one above and some... not from 2day.

Haunted

She cries herself to sleep at night,
Her parents cause her such a fright,
They kick, punch, yell and scream,
Now she tries just to live in a happy dream,

But the pain stays,
Haunting her throughout her days,
And night mares come by dark,
Her parents left a scaring mark,

She has to run far away,
To take herself into a better day,
No more sleepless nights,
She needs to get away from their pointless fights,

There is no light in the brightest of days,
She thought that this was the only way,

To get away from it all,
To stand on her own two feet,
To stand proud and tall,
It’s them she must defeat,

They deprived her of happiness,
Let her live in the dark,
Its time for her to leave her own angry mark

HEY JOSE

HEY!!! HOPE YOU LIKE MY BLOG!!! I HOPE 2 MEET YOU SOME DAY!!!- Taylot Tot

ps. sry, don't know how 2 do the dash above the e

sufficating

I plunged into my death without fear,
I had nothing to be scared of,
There’s nothing left for me here,
There’s nothing that I love,

I sank into the deep ocean,
The suffocation was healing me,
Forgetting all the commotion,
And letting me be free,

I welcomed the pain,
Making it my friend,
Letting it heal me with all that it may contain,
The pain is helping me mend,

My heart has broken too many times,
I should be dead by now,
I committed to many innocent crimes,
To many for the world to allow,

So here I go,
I’ll die before dawn
I’ve lost my glow,
So now I’m gone

typo on the last post

i ment 3 laps sry

Knotch

I love my horse so much, i really do!!! but sometimes i just want to KILL HIM!!! i'm getting better though! most times i just laugh wen he does stupid stuff, like 2day at riding, every summer we play a game, and basically there are 2 barrels across from each other, both with buckets, one is filled with balloons and you have 2 get as many as you can 2 the other side in 3 minutes, well... 4 those of you who know about Knotch, u no how big a problem this task is. well... its definantly a challenge because he acted like the balloons and the buckets were gonna eat him!!! so after about a minute and a half i got off grabbed as many balloons as i could and ran with him behind me and put them on the other side, i made about 2 3 laps and holy crap i was tired!!! don't judge until u ran that far in deep sand pulling a horse!!! its NOT EASY!!! at the last lap my coach let me get on Moose, which is the best 4 year old horse you could ever meet, shes had him sinse he was born, hes so good, so i almost got all my balloons!!! and at the end after putting up the horse Taylor, Erin and Me had a balloon fight, so we were all soaked!!! it was so much fun!!!

typo on the last post

thats 4 dreams isnt it o well watever

Dreams

so... in my life, i don't dream, well i might, but i do't remember them. so when i do, its a big deal, i can only remeber 3, here they are in order of how they occured:

1. i was little red riding hood, skipping throught the woods, and i get 2 my grandmas house, i can't get in, then theres a huge wolf, and it helps me get in 2 c grandma, but she was mean 2 me so the wolf helped me home... well i rode him home.

2.this is a reoccuring dream, its about 2 seconds long, and it always wakes me up. i'm falling. thats it theres not a cliff, nothing, but when i wake up, its becuase i'm turning over os something, exept 4 one time... i was actually falling, ouch!!!! it HURT!!!

3. it was after i read Eclipse fro the 8th time, after the battle in the feild, jane is torchering me!!! and the cullens and Riley, abd Bella r LAUGHING at me!!! it was a TERRIBLE feeling, but jane looked really sad, like she didnt want 2. it was confusing

4. my last dream, i had it 2 days ago, and its really confusing!!! so its my brother colten, my mom, and me. we're in an airplane, its about 2 land but me and colten get out of our seats, colten gets right back in and i try but i can't so as the plane is landing i'm standing there and i hurt my back really bad, we called an ambulance, but it was some guy on a motercycle, and then i suddenly was on a stretcher in the hospital, and nobody is there, and then i'm running away with this girl, blonde hair, short and skinny, but we're running from my mom, who doesnt look like my mom but is, anyway, but we're in this town with gaits all in a row, with codes 2 get in and you have 2 type how many people can get into the gait, so shes doing it and some how my mom gets in. then me and her are in the country running by rows of haybails and my moms chasing us with wat looked liked a 56 Belvidere(dont no how 2 spell it) we hide on the backside of the last one and all the sudden my mom ad he car are ontop of the haybail yelling, i get in the car, an then i woke up.

Fallen Angel

this poem doesnt flow, but i like it, not because i think its written well, cuz its not, but because i wrote this about someone special, its really not finnished, but i can't finnish it, everytime i try... i can't describe her right and her story was never finnished so, maybe someday i'll be able 2 finnish this one.

Though I’m not Christian,
I believe fallen angels are true,
Because there was a mission,
To help people like you,

You’re beautiful, you’re sweet,
You’re a pleasure to meet,
You’re special, you’re pure,
You’re the perfect cure,

You fixed scared hearts,
With only your love,
But you broke apart,
Now you fly up higher than the doves,

Fallen angels are true,
That fallen angel was you

Twilight

Its written from Bellas point of veiw, if u don'y know who Bella is its the main charactor of the Twilight Series, read it, i did... 11 times, but anyway here goes...

They were different from the rest,
Shy and out of place,
They looked sort of stressed,
And all had tremendous grace,

They stared blankly at the walls,
And gave little emotion,
All gorgeous like glass dolls,
Or maybe a deep blue ocean,

I couldn’t look away,
As if in a trance,
All else turned to grey,
Just at my first glance.

its alittle weird and choppy is some parts but watever it was on the my first poems

True love

i wrote this one like, 4-ever ago, well wen i found out my dad was getting married so here goes...

For better or for worse,
For rich or for poor,
Its you she will always adore,
She loves you to her core,

Not love at first sight,
Or anything fancy,
Its love till death night,
Not anything chancy,

Together till the end,
Cause its true love,
Someone you can depend,
He’s there to help your heart mend.

fyi

for those of you cool people who read my poems, or those people who i now love wen you comment them- the poem called heart, the one about the necklace, well wats funny is that i never realized how weird i feel without it on. my locket i mean. 2day @ the water park, i kept trying 2 grab it, and it was never there, i felt kind of... empty, i guess you could say. i ALWAYS wear it. i ALWAYS am messing with it. so i kept trying 2 look @ the pic in it and i could'nt!!! i know it sound ridiculous, its just a necklace right, well 2 u its just a necklace, but 2 me its more. i don't know y i wanted 2 post this, but i wanted 2 4 some reason, i don't have reasons y i do things alot lately. but for those of you who read all my crap and ridiculousness... i love you for it, alot that i post is just a bunch of crap. so thanx 4 stickin' with me!!!

bty again again

in case you wanted 2 know, my times are screwed. everything is 2 hours early!!! i don't know y but i'm bored.

bty again

thats my dads side my moms side theres 2 state the obvious, my mom, the Jay, colten, and me

bty

4 those who don't no me, theres 6 kids in my family, and then my dad and ammie and my grandma came with us 4 the last post

hurricane harbor- nothing but lazy river and irritating people and 1 cool guy.

ok... so my WHOLE family went 2 hurricane harbor, most would ride all the rides, run around or watever. i decided the lines were WAY 2 LONG!!! so i was in the lazy river ALL DAY!!! it was so much fun!!! i met this kid, he musta been like... 12 or something, but he did basically wat i did, exept he stood in the same spot and everytime i came by we would talk, he took my brothers gay indiana jones hat that is so ridiculous looking i want 2 shred and burn it!!! but anyway he was like... really cool. and he had an AWESOME hat!!! but anyway so i stayed in the river thingy for like... about i'd say 6 hours!!! which turned out 2 b really fun!! except for the part where my sister ripped part of my toenail off!!! gross!!! and then some guy was like stocking me, and he was really annoying, and then this one guy who must have had freakishly long toenails ran into me!!! his nail like... dug into my heel and omg it HURT!!! now I've got a cut on my right heel in a... like... semi-circle shape??? i don't know how 2 explain it, but god did i want 2 do the same 2 him!!! he didnt even say sry wen i like... SHRIEKED!!! just kept going!!! wat a jerk right?!!! anyway, watever it was really fun!!!

Telloport or hellocopter?

I like telloport better, but since that doesnt exist or some rediculous reason why we can't use it, Mckenna is either going 2 have 2 become a Vampire of get her own Hellicopter!!!!! i vote Vampire, that way she can turn me and then it wouldnt be such a hassle 2 get 2 riding and c each other. c when we're vampires everything works out.

broken

She keeps what she’s feeling,
Tucked away in her black heart,
She’s gotten good at concealing,
But soon she’ll break apart,

She puts on a fake smile,
An echoic laugh,
Nothing seems worth her while,
Her heart just broke in half,

Her face looks pale,
Her eyes sunk in,
She’s very frail,
She just can’t win,

She hangs by a thread,
Not one more tear can she shed,
For she has run out,
All she has is doubt,

There is no need to live,
Her heart is in shreds,
There’s nothing else to give,
So now she is dead.

Breaking Dawn Release

ok ya'll that live near here, the barnes and nobles is having a huge party from 9pm-12am @ the store, the 1 near the new shops with the movie theater. ok so ya the need people to work. if ur under 17 u have 2 have ur parents permission. but if ur over 17 u don't need it. but if you guys r free u should totally help, i feel bad i don't no if i'm goona be in town cuz i'm goin 2 San Diego for the comic con 4 the twilight movie!!! or i totally would, if i'm in town i'm going, but i SO SO SO feel bad i can't sign up. anyway, if you can... u need 2 help.

back 2 my dads

I'm goin back 2 my dads 2day. not bad not good. lately i've been a little weird, kinda like, i don't no, a small version of Bella when edward left. i don't exactly know why. i just feel... off. the only things i want 2 do are write, post, txt and ride, and drown out everything else. with music, really loud music, and writing, then i feel comfortable. i don't know whats wrong with me, but its something. i don't care much for talking 2 anybody except for a few people, you no like best frends. I blame 'Kayla' i'm having withdraws, jk not ur fault. i don'y know anyway, thats all i got... o wait i went 2 6 flags yesterday with my cousins, I'm out... Taylor Tot

Kenna

who is 'Kenna'?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i know 'Kayla' but 'Kenna' show yourself!!!!!!!!!! i don't know who you are and i can't see ur profile!!!!!!!! kayla if ur kenna im gonna kill u!!!!!!!1 cuz i can don't know why but i wanted to keep te whole 'K' thing going... so i wont really kill you kayla/kenna

Break Free

I hate you,
Get lost,
You never knew,
What was the cost?

It wasn’t worth it,
Now I’m alone,
A bottomless pit,
I’ll never come home,

So goodbye forever,
I’ll love you never,
I don’t care,
We were never a pair,

You’re selfish and rude,
You uncaring prude,

Just shut up,
Would you leave?
You’ll never succeed,

Get out of my way,
You’re wasting my day,
Just let me be,
I want to break free.

Elavator meditation

Ok so I’m writing this post in a word document. I’m gonna post this later. But I guess that since your reading this its already later. But right now we just got to my Mimi and Papa’s house. Its on the lake, so in about 3 hours we’re gonna go out on the lake, I’m probably gonna meditate and listen to music, which if you haven’t tried, don’t judge, its calm and relaxing. I like it, what else is fun, elevator meditation, people either are really nice, or are like the biggest jerks EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like one time, this really fat guy came in the elevator( nothing wrong with being fat, don’t be offended, just describing this guy) and kept staring at me, he didn’t even press a button, just stared, he looked really angry, so I was like “hi I’m Taylor, don’t mind me, its just calm in here, my room is loud” and he was like “well I don’t think its very appropriate to… Meditate or whatever your doing in an elevator! Its very rude and disrespectful” so I was like “I’m sorry you feel that way” and he was like “ don’t be smart with me” so I got up and was like “ what floor?” and he was like “4” all rude, so I pressed it sat back down and started humming really loud “ huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, huuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” and then he started grumbling all mad to himself and as soon as he got off I started laughing hysterically, it was really funny, then he gave me this really evil look “ stupid girl, I should complain”
That is my wonderful story, I’m out, Taylor Tot

my heart

A golden heart pendant,
The replacement for my heart,
This heart is resplendent,
My old one broke apart,

I cracked when I was pushed,
I ran from my home,
And now I’m alone,

I’m a free soul,
I go where I wish,
But I’m not whole,
There’s something I miss,

Looks can deceive,
I am not pleased,
Yes, I chose to leave,
But I was seized,

When I left my heart was breaking,
I couldn’t take it anymore,
My pain was a terrible aching,
But that was before,

Now I feel numb,
No feelings are there,
Except for the glum,
There’s so little air,

Goodbye for now,
I say as I take my final bow.

a murder poem

I see a dark hearse,
The death toll is high,
It’s a terrible curse,
How soon until I die?

Dead people are buried,
In tombs for three,
Many were married,
With a happy family,

Their bloody torsos are now dismembered,
Their families are next,
They will not be remembered
The murderer is a vex,

He strikes one at a time,
Their death is slow,
It’s a terrible crime,
Yet he kills like a pro,

Nobody will live,
That is for sure,
A crime you can’t forgive,
I am definitely sure

BORING

i have absolutly nothing new to tell anybody!!! TV is now boring, reading all day is out, its already hot at 10, and that means if i'm not up by 8 that i can't ride my horses, i can't write all day, there are no games here, and i don't have my sketch pad or my viola!!! i am so bored!!!

isn't that rediculous, i'm complaning about not having anything 2 do. that is digusting!!! people are out there suffering while i... am not suffering [exept of boredom(which doesn't count)]

and now i have nothing 2 say. i'm out Taylor Tot

oh wait!!! if you havent been 2 this blog you need 2 her poems are ridiculously amazing!!! storyless_girl she posted a comment if u can't get it to work its on one of my older posts about my book. you have 2 c her poems, seriously amazing!!!
ok NOW i have nothing left to say Taylor Tot

Yay

I get 2 go c 1 of my bff's Mckenna on thursday!!! I'm so Happy!!! we might go out looking for a horse for her and i'm so happy happy happy!!! I'm gonna explode i'm so happy!!! does the word happy sound weird now? ya... it does but watever i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes
'kayla' i miss you way 2 much!!! lol

Panda Queen

I can't get on your blog or see your profile!!! NOT COOL!!! lol we NEED to fix that

no sleep will come 2nite!!!

i cannot fall asleep, yet i'm really, really, really tired!!! i hate that feeling, like... ur totally awake and ready 2 fall asleep @ the same time!!! Lauren would be so proud!!! i had cold ice cream!!! sry inside joke had 2 say it!!!

latest poem

A sinking little heart,
Shredded into pieces,
She’s falling apart,
The pain never ceases,

The perfect little girl,
Has grown into this,
Her bad side unfurled,
She’s a dangerous Kris,

She sits sadly alone,
Angrily staring,
Cold like a stone,
Totally uncaring,

Alone her whole life,
Their story unchanged,
She sharpens her knife,
Completely deranged,

The spark in her eyes,
Has dwindled to hate,
She says her goodbyes
But all she feels is hate,

There is no sadness,
For these new deaths,
Her eyes show only acidness,
Happy to take their last breaths,

Her smile is tight,
Revenge is sweet,
She sees the light,
Her job is complete.

My sketches

The car!!!

A 2008 Ford Taurus!!! i like it!!! i actually love it its a total "Jason Car" what ever that means!!! but i think its cool!!! here is a pic, since its red here is a picc of what it will really look like!!!

Cars

Ok fine i won't use a Volvo but if i'm not i need one like it. it has to be a quiet, sleek car thats fast and not to expensive. if you got any ideas please tell me!!! I'm out Taylor Tot

First chapter of my book

This is hard for me. to put this on i mean. but i want to know what you guys think. so here goes...

Chapter one



The wilted yellow rose fell from her hand as she stood weeping uncontrollably. Her long, dark brown hair perfectly combed and straight. Her face was extra pale and thin, her freckles more visible now, and she was even thinner too, and I could see some of her ribs sticking through her long black dress. The sound of her quiet, choked sob was unbearable. It made me sad to watch, yet there I stood, watching. Poor girl, she must feel so lost, I thought. At the same time though, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for me. They were my parents, now they lay there, in those separate, depressing coffins, cold, like stone, white. I guess that’s what I must look like, I thought. Then, that’s when I realized, it wasn’t another girl, that was me, seeing what I must look like in my head. I remember I used to do that when I was little, play what I must look like in my head in someone else’s eyes. My sobs grew louder then, and I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, I turned to see a very sympathetic look from Jason, my best friend since 5th grade.
“Riley, I’m so sorry, would you like to crash at my place, get outa here?” Jason asked.
All I could do was nod; anything that I tried to say was just going to come out as choking. He opened his arms, gesturing for a hug, and I gladly hugged him, he always made me feel better. We stayed that way for a while actually. I guess he knew how messed up I was, because he didn’t even make fun of me for getting his new shirt all wet.

After the service, I said my final good-byes to my parents and watched the workers take them away to be buried. Then I just sat there with Jason on the porch steps of the funeral home, staring blankly at the cement ground. He didn’t say anything; I wasn’t one for talking when I was upset, and he knew that better than anyone. We must have sat there for a few hours; finally he stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the ground.
“Come on, let’s go to my place, you can stay in the guest room, my parents don’t mind, I already asked.”
I nodded and walked to his silver S80 Volvo. He opened my door and I crawled in. Quickly, he strode to the drivers side and slid onto the chair, finding the keys. Once he got the right one, he put it in the ignition and twisted it. The car wasn’t loud, it quietly purred as he slowly went out of the parking lot onto the long gravel road to reach the highway. He reached up to turn the radio on, but something stopped him, instead he dropped his hand to his leg and slowed the car, turning to face me “If you want to talk about it, I’m always here, you know that right?”
“Yeah, I know but,” my breathing grew heavy as I tried to hold back my tears, I swallowed hard, “ I don’t think I can talk right now, you can turn on the radio if you want to, the silence is starting to get to me.” I said, as if he didn’t already know.

He nodded and reached up to turn the radio on, but to my surprise he stopped again, and moved his arm to the back seat, grabbing around. Finally his hand came back up, he held a pink home-made CD I had given him last Christmas. He stuck it in the CD player and my favorite song came on. I sunk into the seat and sighed, on the verge of a small smile, but it never came fully out.
“Thank you, you always seem to read my mind,” I whispered.
“No problem, and I don’t have to read your mind, I’ve known you since fifth grade, that’s seven years, you’re not too hard to figure out,” he laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in with a small laugh too.

It was nice to see him again; I had spent every day since my parents died alone. A whole week without seeing him was hell; I didn’t know what to do with myself, but I didn’t want to leave my parents room, so I stayed. For as long as I can remember he was always the one who comforted me. He was my best of best friends; nobody could ever replace him, ever, ever, ever. And as far as I was concerned, no one ever would.




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4th of July

Hey everybody!!! I'm a day late =( sorry. Happy 4th of July!!! I'm in Missouri believe it or not!!! its beautiful!!! the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous!!! I'm staying with family. Their house is rediculous!!! Its like, a mansion, its gorgeous, it could be in a magazine!!! they have like, 2o acres, a pond in the back with a paddle boat, and the cutest animals!!! 3 cats 3 dogs. its fabulous but i am going to be happy to be home, i miss MY animals!!! thats all I'm out, Taylor Tot

My BOOK help me out here!!!

Its the first blog i put up read it comment something!!! i'm getting nowhere and please don't put "get her pregnant" its not gonna happen! i've heard it several times and it won't be pretty soon riley is gonna die because i don't know what else to write, PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!!PLEASE!!! COMMENT ON IT!!! I'M BEGGING YOU

From Ang to Sienna

Okay we all agreed to change Ang's name to Sienna. I love that name!!! anyway nothing new,
I'm Out Taylor Tot

Ang my new kitten

I swear, just last week Ang could fit into the palm of my hand! Now, shes grown bigger! still tiny compared to Indiana, my other cat, but shes not like, really small. OMG the first time i saw her she was 3 days old and Mrs.Elaine's barn and she was so cute! thats all i got so far
Taylor Tot Out