Parker

my dog, my baby, parker, was sick all day, and we took him to the vet, his heart had detached from some other thing, and was floating in his stomach, he had a block in his small intestant, causing him to have trouble breathing and abnormal lung vibrations, he has air in his stomach, lots of it, and his guts had ruptured, we put him down 12:06AM this morning. i've never cried that much... ever, when i went to say goodbye, he was in an oxygen mask, his eyes were rolled back into his head, i leaned down and whispered in his ear, petting his face, and his eyes focused, and even though he was in tremendous pain, he lifted his paw out from under the sheets, and put it on my hand, like he knew, he knew what was happening, and he said goodbye to me, my baby boy knew, and now hes gone, but he was the best friend you could ever ask for, he used to lay down with me in the laundry room, he was my big pillow, i fell asleep on him and he wouldnt move, not for anything, and once i woke, i would sit up, and he would lay across my lap and stare up at me, ever since he was a puppy, like our first night, bringing him home, it was january 2006, he was 4 months old, when i saw him, it was freezing, he was the only brown doberman left, i had been on crutches, he had been the only one who didnt jump on me, instead, watching till i noticed him, and he slept on my lap, for the hour drive home, then he slept in my bed, for one night, that little puppy stayed with me. and so fast, that little boy, so small and scared of water, grew to be the most ADD huge, most athletic loving dog you could ever ask for. once he got into the pool, he loved it, i taught him how to carry people across the deep end and the shallow end. i would let him take me all around the pool, he was the only reason i ever got in, i hate swimming. parker changed my life, he died at 3 years old, and there will never be another dog like parker, not for me, i've never loved an animal as much as i love him, never, something about him made me realize how good things can be, no matter how sad i was, as soon as i saw him, i could break down in tears, or i could scream, or just collapse, that dog wouldnt have left me. but let me tell you, he could really piss you off, the loudest bark you ever hear. but now, i miss it, i miss how he would hit you with his nose when you saw him, i miss his big hazel eyes staring at me, i miss watching him sprint across the yard, i miss him, like i've never missed anything else. i know there has to be something more for him, he has to be alive, somewhere, in a good place, he has to be.