hello to you. hello to me. hello to the world. hello to life. hello to death.
rodeo practice was fun... scooby is great... school is better... yet i'm not happy. it seems... very feebleminded and somewhat thickheaded of me not to just appriciate what i have. i mean, i do APPRICIATE it, but i could be more greatful. i SHOULD be more greatful. because really, for the first time in a long time, i feel almost at ease, almost fine. the problem is the almosts. its ALMOST happy, ALMOST perfect pattern, ALMOST old enough to volenteer, ALMOST good at school. never i AM happy, never perfect pattern, not old enough, not good at school. but thats so pessimistic. i catch myself doing it to, looking at the worst side possible, and i try to correct it. but no matter how many times i say the positive side, i never believe it, or almost never. i see that point of view, UNDERSTAND that point of veiw, WANT that point of view, but... i dont believe it.
and it makes me sad, because there, and i know there is, a much better side of life than what i'm living. yes, i have gone through difficult times, but heres the thing, SO HAS EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!! and soooooo many people would love to be in my shoes, to have what i have, and be filled with joy at just the thought of having half of what i have, so why am i not happy? this, i dont understand, though i anylize it every day, more than once usually, but i have yet to get anything more than the wanting to have more, the greed that all people have developed. anybody care to explain?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
i'm here
Posted by lone poet at 10:13 PM
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8 comments:
i have no idea. but it seems like everyone wants more than they have, no matter how much they have. best i cant explain it since your so impatient :P
and that first line better not have anything to do with anything, please. :P
wow, i really use :P a lot. :P
you should be happy. i know you love him and all, but still, he just was not good. and you should be happy that you have someone that hurts you so much out of your life. though he will always be with you (mentally, not physically :P) since he did have a huge impact on your life.
and it would be a huge difference to me. :( it would just be so horrible without you here. :'(
i know he could be like that. you always say it. (; but its still the horrible side of him that means the most, and what hes really like. he could just be acting the nice side, but when hes mean it shows his true colors.
it is a very bad place to discuss this :) but still, if *im not sure if austin reads this or not, but that would be horrible if he knew his name:)* treated me like that, i would still like him. so i know how you feel. and this feeling sucks. :(
Maybe you need to change your outlook and not the fact that you want to be better. Maybe you realize that you have so much more to personally offer yourself and so much more to offer to the world. You know your potential and thats why you arent satisfied. You have to find your niche... You have to find what brings out the BEST in you. Know that you have so much to offer and dont give up until you ARE satisfied.
Did that make sense? i DID just wake up after all.. Its IS 6:17am
ugh, dont worry about me!! ill be fine. :P
delicious? sure. :)
I have the same problem. You are working on cognitive therapy, but I bet you already knew this. Anyway, its not looking at the absolute worst side of everything, but not the most happy best side of everything either. Try this, look at that bad thing, catch yourself, and then realize something not bad or good that you believe. That is the key. Make sure you believe it. And then a minor positive. At least I have food today. I have my animals. My mom loves me. Etc. Always here to talk.
i guess.
krl
im so sorry, i was sleeping. and your phone wont let me call you back, theres this really creepy message that says 'sorry, but this person has not set up a voicemail account yet. good bye.' its very creepy. try calling back, i should answer now.
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