i think i may...

start writing alot of abstract thought on here, not all of it will be completely insane sounding, but i think, it will help me, if i write what i think, and somebody reads it... and tells me what they think, or, not, you can ignore it when it makes no sense to you, that is fine to, either way, just a warning, you mught come her to find a totally insane post about colors... which comes to mind alot, mainly blood red, dark violet, black, greys, and the darkest shades of blue, but, if you see that, you were warned :P lol, luv yaz

PS
check out this remix, its great

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKQ_wSoMzJg

insperation melt down

well, lately, everything has given me something to write down, so make into a poem, to make it something it wasnt before, but also, i'm finding to hard to stay focused on what i'm trying to say, in the middle of a poem i switch, focus, and leave it how it is, and when i come back, the feeling, the words, just arent there anymore... this i dont understand, so, instead of finnishing them, by a blank feeling that isnt there anymore, i dont go back, but i'm going to put them up anyway, some finnished, some stop in the middle of a verse... some i get the 1st 2 lines, and all is lost from there...

the sun warns my skin,
i step into the shade,
as happy as i've been,
the happy fades to grey,

i smile for a second,
and i frown for two,
i laugh for a little,
then i cry for you,

the sky a beautuful pink,
turns black when i'm around,
i dont know why this happens,
i sink to the ground,

no tears in my eyes,
i search for some reason,
of why i am like this,
...

and i couldnt finnish, tada!!! lol


though i've healed,
many a' nights,
i wake in tears,
shaking in great fear,

i thought i was done,
with anger and sadness,
but i guess i'm not,
my hate still lingers,

how could you do it?
so cruel and vile,
why'd you choose me?
you're still in denial,

you wanted to hurt me,
to burn a hole in my heart,
well your plan worked,
you tore me apart,

the searing pain still there,
my soul flew away,
now i am empty,
this way, it seems i shall stay,

i dont understand,
i'm lifeless at best,
why do you still torture me?
i just want some rest,

sleep for a while,
let go of my pain,
let it float away,
so i can be sane,

just for a second,
everything fades,
lifes black and white,
a few shades of grey.


and now i'm to tired, post the rest later, love ya all, good night

...

ok, well, i've found internet connection up here, it has SNOW!!!! :0 i, like, never see snow, its weird, but anyway, yesterday i helped pack grandmas apartment up :( sad, today is the wake, tomorrows the funeral, and then i'll come home soon, its cold up here, i inherited some stuff, believe it or not, i'm actually wearing her jacket right now, i got a few of her necklaces, a picture or two, and she collected dolls, so i picked out one with a red dress and brown hair, never was into dolls, but idc, i'm putting it in my room when i get home, but, anyway, i gotta go, love you guys.

Miss you guys!!!

ok, so tomorrow i leave for for the funeral. it'll be very sad, but good news is i'll see my cousins. humph, today has been a sad day, just depressing really, i hate days like those, i feel like a retard, anyway, i'll be back in a few days, maybe i'll have the chance to look tomorrow morning but if not i'll miss you guys!!!!

i don't have a title yet

Just go on,
Tear me apart,
Just go on
Aim for my heart,

For i'm your puppet,
I'm under your control,
Do what you wish,
You have my soul,

Consuming my life,
Even when you hurt me,
I can't walk away,
Yet i want to be free,

Away from the hurt,
You cause my pain,
You treat me like dirt,
Yet keep me sane,

What is it about you?
What makes me so stupid?
Why do i love you?
I really hate Cupid.




ehhhh, ok, it sucked, i no, o well wat ever, i can deal with that. but now go look this girl up, and watch the video, i love this song, shes my fav. artist right now i think...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hmbi_Q5e38I&NR=1

random thoughts

my last post, i know, prolly didnt make much sense, i'm sorry about that, i had just found out my great grandmother past away, i was... i bit, upset. but all is well, i wont be on this weekend i dont think, i'm flying away for a bit, to got to her funeral, so saterday, sunday, and monday, i'll be missin yaz!!! lol but on a better note, i'v finall gotten to chapter 8 i think, on my book, its taken an intresting turn, the words just come out, i dont really know where i get them, but riley and jason are going to some odd places no, actaully, at this point, Riley is in the hospital, it actaully caught me off gaurd when i went back to reread it, i hadnt actually planned for it to happen, but i'm sure she'll get out, that is, if her doctor AKA the killer of her parents doesnt get to her b4 jason does, o ya, i really wasnt kidding when i said it caught me off gaurd, i wasnt ready for it :P lol wow this is getting long, sry, anyway off to go... idk, do something.

gone again

:( sad, so sad in fact, that the words dont come out when i'm writing, i have to force myself to write in order to be sane, but being sane only makes the pain worse, what if i dont want to be sane? i dont think i do, living in a coma would be good, but actually thinking, but not, cuz then, when i wake from the coma, i'd have been thinking, so the pain wouldn't hurt so bad, but that wont work, we all know that, so i guess, i'm just gonna have to deal, like always.

stupid lack of sleep

yes, its 4:50 in the morning, and instead of being normal, and sleeping, i am awake, idk y, but i want to go back to sleep!!! and yes, i have tried that :( it did not work, anyway, i'm so bored i just had to post about this, haha, anyway, I GOT A NEW PHONE!!! BLUE SLIDER!!! YAY!!!

i can't think of a good title, sry

pushed to the point of insanity, that is where i am right now, i think, that i'm so insane, that, all i can do is laugh at things, i mean, really, everything that happens, good or bad, i just laugh... i dont understand, this is just my reaction to everything, it doesnt matter what it is, somebodies face could get ripped off in front of me, and i'd prolly laugh!!! :( thats terrible, i'm failing both my core classes, oops hahahahahahahahaha, i mean seriously, thats not funny, yet i'm still laughing... i mean wat? why?

stars go dim

The stars go dim,
Yet its not day,
The light spreads out,
But the sun turns to gray,

No more bright patterns,
Its all black and white,
No more good times,
Like flying bright kites,

The days are still,
And the nights are long,
Yet you have to endure it,
It does get old,

Though it doesnt seem possible,
The time does pass,
Just slowly, its boring,
Then color comes at last,

The stars brighten,
And the sun burns red,
The grass turns green,
And the gloom goes dead,

But when i ask,
I find out,
That i was alone,
And filled with doubt,

These colors were always here,
But my eyes went blind,
I couldnt find hope,
I just couldnt cope,

But now that i see,
The color is here,
And hope is the key,
I'll hold it dear.

TWILIGHT SOUNDTRACK!!!

I GOT IT!!!! AHHH OMG!!!!

OBAMA WHAT!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!! YA'LL!!! COME OFF IT!!! THIS!!! IS!!! RIDICULOUS!!! i'm leaving for canada!!!!! jk lol, but no, seriously, seriously? not ok with me, i'm very, very, very... angry, to put it in a nice way

For Somebody Special

i just made this up, its more just a string of words, rather than a poem really, but its got to be the most truthful thing i've ever written, so here goes...


When he looks into your eyes,
And can't tell you you're gorgeous,

When he sees into your soul,
And can't tell you your perfect,

If he tells you you're blind to the world,
Know my dear, its him who can't see,

Because you're beautiful, and wonderful,
And you see things that nobody else can,

Because you are crazy special,
Don't let anybody tell you different.

omg

i just tried to watch the amitaville horror, omg, the scariest movie ever!!! me and my sisters, macy and mckenna, wanted to watch a scary movie, well 30 min. into it we all freaked out so much we had to turn it off :P hahaha, i'm a wimp with scary movies, i was screaming the just about the whole time, it was purty funny...

chain message

Did i like retard another to it send retard a like this reading time sweet your took you since. (now read it backwards)

hahaha, LMAO!!!! i took about 20 minutes trying to figure that out lol it was hilarious!!!

so now my fastest time ever

so today/yesterday i got my fastest time on barrels at the rodeo!!! i've been riding 'Moose' for the past week and we've already beatin my fastest time on Knotch!!! and moose is only 5!!! we got an 18.7 last week, which tied my fastest time on knotch, but this week we got an 18.05!!! i'm really happy, i just got home!!! happy halloween everybody!!! ILY!!!