some bright light- look past this post to comment, where the pics are please

Words of wisdom from me...

Happiness is something that we all seek, all yearn to house. Many think the destination brings happiness, where ever we are going, getting there will bring joy. So they strive for it, with all their heart. But many question why once they get there. Why something once so important and desirable, fails to warm their heart. Not only that, but once you reach the destination, it only brings more need. The explanation is simple, so listen close. The destination is not where happiness flows, but the journey to get to the river.

i was sitting in the car, just thinking, and it came to me, i typed it out in my phone, not sure what to do with it, but also not wanting to leave it be. so i just decided i should post it on here, just for kicks. and now, a poem :P


I contain no special blood,
I wear no jeweled crown,
I have no magnificent castle,
Nor any sacred grounds,

Go take her,
Claim her as your own,
Leave me here,
All alone,

Let me freeze,
Let me shake,
Have her show you,
The love you'll make,

Make you happy,
Make you druel,
An oblivous man,
A sad fool,

For you do not know,
The path that you chose,
Brings not happiness,
But where sadness flows.


I guess it goes with happiness thing...

pictures for the kind sir

my very large family

my beautiful sister macy with the sunglasses :P

Gryffin, my second youngest sister

My lovely aunt Julie

The adorable little Harper, the youngest in my family

my awesome brother colten, the oldest of the siblings, and my only blood sibling, rocks his curly red hair :P lol.

julie and a hell of a lot of stairs, you can't see them all, but omg, there were alot

3rd youngest, miss mckenna, love her, even with her weird poses for pictures

Macy and my father, mike

haha, my brother in his russian hat :P he got it for christmas and used it on the slopes

Scooby, the three year old wonderful gelding i'm training

Frozen jeans are sexy, and i see a little man

hahaha, love you macy, inside joke, betcha wouldnt think the joke itself was funny even in the least, but the fact that its so stupid makes it funny, so yesh, i took a trip to colorado, yesh, it was in an rv, yesh, it was with 7 other people, yesh, it was with my dads side of the family, yesh, i wanted to strangle somebody every so often, yesh, it got very cramped, yesh, i wrote alot, yesh, i met cool people, yesh, i cried on that trip than in my entire lifes crying combined, yesh, i like iced tea, yesh i like skiing, yesh, i took pictures, yesh i talked to tyler, yesh, i got in trouble, yesh, i'm saying yesh, and yesh, i'm drinking iced tea wondering why i'm being more weird than usual. i'm gonna tell you'z bout my weird encounters with 3 guys on this trip

so first one, i got out of my earth hating machine thingy and went into the rec. center, i was sitting on the ground, just thinking, by myself, and this guy was in the other room right, playing guitar with some of his friends, and i'ma tell ya, he was freaking hot, i mean, yeah. but anyway, so he looks at me sitting there, says something to his friends they look at me, he gets up, and disappears into another room, bout 2 seconds later hes coming towards me playing the guitar, sits down next to me and just plays, eventually i had to go, i dont even know his name, but he was reallt freakin cool, totally random, but it was cool still.

next 2, so i was sitting with my sister macy, 12, and my other sister gryfin, 7, and gryfin is totally crushing on this really adorble little kid, so i'm like, just go talk to him, she wont, and we tried to get her to just go say hi for like, 30 minutes, no use, so these two guys were playing ping pong in front of us, it was hilarious, i kept getting hit with the ball, lol, so we already had a bit of a conversation going, not really though, small one, but so i was like, 'hey, what ur name?' and the one right in front of me, the cute one, was like, 'adam' and the one farthest away, 'jeremy' so i asked them if they thought gryfin should go talk to him, they said yes, so anyway, she wouldnt but we talked that night, and the day after, and now we've been txting, crazy part is, they live here, in dallas, yeah, sry this was so long, i'll explain the title with pictures on another post, sry it was so long

im gonna b gone for awhile..

hey, i kno i havent posted in awhile. but now im gonna b gone for a few more days. so i probably wont b commenting on yalls blogs for about a week. so if you dont hear from me in awhile, dont worry. :) miss u guys!

An Explanation

about the last post, yeah, sorry about that.... you see, the depression comes in waves, and i wrote that while having a minurature panic attack, really, i didnt have much reason to... i dont know why i flipped out so much, i think it was because i hadnt taken my 'happy pill' or anti anxiety meds... i blame that, sry about my momentary lapse of insanity, it just happens sometimes.... but in the time i havent been on, i've been writing alot, alot alot, and though i decided to stop my progress with the riley book, while at UBH they gave me the idea to write a short story about it, or rather had me write a short story about my life, so i'm going to write a book about, well me. it might be a little werd, but i'm excited, i havent gotten far at all, but while in UBH i wrote this poem-

People stripped of prejuduce,
and blind to not accept,
thats what i've found here,
within these walls,
i have no fear,

not scared to speak up,
i say what i feel,
and they all listen,
they all help me heal,

we are so different,
yet each understand,
sharing our stories,
they all grabbed my hand,

leading me to light,
we found our separate ways,
hand in hand,
day by day,

now that i'm better,
i'm ready to leave,
i'll never forget you,
but my pain is relieved.


i actually memorized that poem...

i wrote this one two days after i got out :(

slowly i'm fading,
better at last,
and now i'm going back,
slowly days pass,

sadder within hours,
of leaving those walls,
that building standing safe,
it beckons and calls,

i yearn to go back,
to be safe once more,
but i must not give in,
but this pain i can't ignore,

standing on my own,
is harder than i planned,
but i have helpfull people,
that lend me their hands,

whenever i need them,
they stand by my side,
the terrible fact is,
that i almost died,

now that i realize
i have some meaning,
i find i like life,
and this state of being.

and then some other work...

a secret love of life can pass,
in the darkest of your days,
a sweet loving sound does last,
though a terrible haze,

keeping you alive,
even when its hard,
giving off short highs,
but leaving you scarred,

but you realize its worth it,
to live through bursts of hell,
even when its hard,
try to live to tell,

make the happiness last,
no matter how small,
because it really matters,
when sadness calls,

luring you in,
swallowing you whole,
killing your heart,
and stealing your soul,

don't let it take you,
keep it at arms length,
close enough to feel,
but far enough to heal.

just to tell you, i was so freaked last night i never slept, so i wrote four poems, here they are-

I just give up,
you should know,
i'm so pissed off,
from head to toe,

don't you care?
even in the least?
or am i nothing?
you selfish beast,

you said 'I love you,'
then changed your mind,
but i had fallen,
in little time,

but you just end it,
its no big deal,
your over me,
you're heart has healed,

what am i?
some stupid bitch?
that you forgot,
on your map,
a tiny dot,

a point in your life,
thats meaningless now,
no feeling for me,
i don't know how,

but should i care?
i think not?
but on my map,
your to big a dot,

you matter to much to me,
you touched my heart,
but with that touch,
it broke apart.


and the 2nd


though i'm exauhsted,
i can't ever sleep,
these thoughts of you,
just make me weep,

you hurt me so bad,
you can't even comprehend,
these thoughts you left me,
my heart can't mend,

not with this pain,
thats always around,
a constant beating,
i don't make a sound,

i never scream out,
not until now,
so i laugh at your face,
you fat bastard cow,

how could you hurt me?
in that way you did?
you scarred my life,
its something i hid,

but now that its out,
itsmy turn to haunt you,
i want revenge,
for the things that you do,

what number was i?
in your list of victims,
no special person,
just some girl,

another one to hurt,
you have a long list?
let me read it,
now eat my fist.


i'm leaving for the weekend, typre the rest later, bye

giving up

i'm cut off from the world now, i've really given up.... i just got out of a fucking mental hospital, yes, i realize my mother is probly reading this going, 'watch your tongue' but i'm giving up, idc anymore, it over

filling you in

I realize, that in the past week, actually, over a week, i havent replied or posted, i went away for a while, and i'm afraid, i wont be on much anymore, for a little while, explaining would be quite difficult, i'm very sorry, i love and missed you all, i will try my best to be on, and reply to you guys, but please forgive me if i dont.